#122: Trip to the Zoo

Trip to the Zoo

The tall man from Kalamazoo

Decided to go to the zoo.

So he flagged down a cab,

He then pulled off his scab.

And gained an addiction to glue.

#121: Baked Beans

Baked Beans

There once was a girl named Justine.

Who couldn’t stop eating baked beans.

Her dad ate a small mouse,

She ran all through the house.

And now the whole house has been cleaned.

#120: Shattered Glass

Shattered Glass

If and when a man walks in a store,

make sure that he uses the door.

If he’s angry with brass

and he breaks through the glass

There will be a sharp mess on the floor.

#119: How Embarrassing

How Embarrassing

If this lim’rick has happened to you,

leave a comment with ten words or two.

As you walk down the street,

someone waves and you greet

them, but you aren’t the ones in their view.

#118: Wal-Mart

It looks like I'm back to writing individual limericks again. The stroy worked its way into a corner (no thanks to me :\) If anyone wants to see the story from the beginning and follow all the twists and turns go to post: Royalty.

Wal-Mart

A store that sells many devices,

Must sell them at discounted prices.

With treacherous guile,

They put on a smile.

And sprinkle the shoppers with spices.

#117: The End

The End

His blood was refusing to clot,

his skin cells were starting to rot.

He looked up at the birds,

as he said his last words

and he passed away right on the spot.

#116: The Sky is Falling

The Sky is Falling

Something random came out of the blue.

He was hit in the head with a shoe.

When he fell from the plane,

his shoes didn’t remain

on his feet and, they won’t without glue.

#115: Injured, but Not Dead

Injured, but Not Dead

Well it turns out the man wasn’t dead.

But he had a huge gash on his head.

There were burns on his skin

and a scratch on his shin,

there’s a problem, his blood wasn’t red.

A New way to Comment

Hey everyone! Hope you're enjoying the limericks. As of now, I've put in a widget that allows you to send me an instant message if I'm online. Think of it as a new way to leave comments for me if I'm online. Hope this is put to good use.

#114: Tainted Soil

Tainted Soil

The ground was now tainted with blood,

and the man hit the ground with a thud.

When he fell in the dirt

Even boulders felt hurt,

And his blood turned the dirt into mud.

#113: A COmpromise, or Not

A Compromise, or Not

He was willing to give up the chute,

if the pilot would not point and shoot.

But for him it’s too bad,

That the pilot was mad.

First they shot him, then gave him the boot.

#112: The Winner

The Winner

The passenger finally won,

his partners were out and outdone.

As he jumped out the plane,

he could feel the disdain

while facing the pilot’s handgun.

#111: Bridge

Bridge

The jet plane was starting to crump,

so they figured it’s best if they jump.

But last night there was theft,

So there’s only one left.

So they played bridge ‘till one played the trump.

#110: The Parachute

For all you Shakespeare fans, I wanted to include a famous line from Romeo and Juliet (find it in the last line). Overall the line doesn't make sense, however, I think its ok.

The Parachute

As the plane hurtled out of the sky,

their destruction was ever so nigh.

The suggestion was moot,

Here it is: parachute;

It would help them, the stars to defy.

#109: The Jet (cont'd)

The Jet (cont’d)

When the plane got up into the air

the pilot was quite unaware;

’cause it finally hit

that the gas tank was whit,

leaving them in a state of despair.

#108: The Jet

The Jet

The criminals reached an impasse.

Their escape ride had run out of gas!

Well, they weren’t finished yet,

because now there’s a jet

that is turning and making it’s pass.

#107: The Helicopter

The Helicopter

You might wonder just what the men saw,

to make them have hope and guffaw.

What came out of the sky,

was a chopper to fly

them away. From the cape they’d withdraw.

#106: Salvation

Salvation

The criminals lost all their hope.

And they sat on the dirt ridden slope.

They looked towards the skies,

Tears came into their eyes

And there wasn’t a reason to mope.

#105: Sabotage

Sabotage

The men drove away to escape.

In the moonlight they went to the cape.

Their get-away boat,

Ended on a sad note

The men looked at the wreck with a gape.

#104: Rescue!

Rescue!

When the henchmen walked into the jail,

The cops turned a white shade of pale.

They looked into their eyes

As they met their demise,

Their guns proved to be of no avail.

#103: A Daring Move...

A Daring Move…

“Sir you’ll see that my mouth is sealed tight.

And be sure that I don’t feel contrite.

If you still haven’t guessed,

I will not take the test.

I assure you, I’m leaving tonight.”

#102: The Breath Test

The Breath Test

“I’ll assume that your haughty remark,

Proves your bite is no worse than your bark.

Since you’re under arrest,

You will take the breath test

And we’ll see if you’re over the mark.”

#101: Interrogation

Interrogation

At scene of the blood-ridden crash,

The cop found an interesting stash.

They found alcohol;

They consulted their thrall,

his response was audaciously brash.

#100: Why I'll Never go to ShopRite Again

A random limerick so i can get away from the story. My internet was down, sorry for the delay!

Why I’ll Never Go to Shop Rite Again

A man in a grocery store,

He threw all his bags on the floor.

He huffed and he puffed,

His demeanor was gruff.

And the cashier just walked out the door.

#99: Jealousy (cont'd)

Jealousy (cont’d)

Now, for all of you wanting to write,

Expect losers to try and incite.

Your works will be great

And your lyrics ornate;

Your transgressors will writhe with contrite.

#98: Jealousy

Jealousy

I don’t care if my limericks offend.

But there’s something you must comprehend.

I’ll have to conclude,

That your limericks are crude;

Just remember, I will not amend.

#97: Asleep at the Wheel

Asleep at the Wheel

The boy was untouched by the flame.

And his father met him with acclaim.

“Please step out of the van,”

Said the tall police man,

“For this accident, you are to blame.

#96: Excuses

Excuses

Last night my connection was down.

My smile turned into a frown.

I do not wish it well,

DSL raises hell.

Besides, modems look better in brown.

#95: A Mystery

A Mystery

The father could not understand,

Why the fire got thrown out of hand.

He was shocked even more;

His son opened the door

And proceeded to sit in the sand.

#94: Spring Break

I hate using double ryhmes, but I had to. Today is the first day of my spring break, so I wrote a limerick to celebrate.

Spring Break

Mary thanks for the honor and glory.

But I’m taking a break from the story.

It is not a mistake,

It’s the first day of break,

So, tomorrow I’ll finish the story.

#93: There's Hope

There’s Hope

He rummaged through all of the trailer,

He swore like a frustrated sailor.

Well, he looked all around

And he finally found,

What he needed; his sacred inhaler.

#92: The Odds are Against Him...

The Odds are Against Him…

The boy was burned till he turned black,

And the fire spread over his back.

Someday he will heal,

As of now he can’t feel;

Wait! What if he has an asthma attack?

#91: Close...but No Cigar

Close…but No Cigar

But alas, he did not get there fast.

And the fire had already passed.

On his neck, chin and shin

And all over his skin,

He was burnt and he sat there aghast.

#90: Bravery

Bravery

He rushed to his eldest son’s room,

He was trapped in a fiery tomb.

But the father was brave.

He decided to save,

His dear son before he met his doom.

#89: Fire

Fire

Next the father awoke in a daze,

And his indistinct gaze was in haze.

But alas! He awoke,

At the smell of the smoke

That was razing is house with a blaze!

#88: Nervous

Nervous

The boy made his father upset,

He started to cry with regret.

The wrath didn’t abate,

His dad was irate

And his child broke into a sweat.

#87: Disrespect

Disrespect

The boy grew a devilish grin.

And he kicked his dad right in the shin.

So he turned to his son

And he knew that he’d won

He would not get away with this sin.

Limerick Blog- Newsimericks

I found a site that makes limericks out of current events. Sometimes the metr is off, but overall, the limericcks are of good quality.

My favorit post from theat site: http://newsinlimerick.blogspot.com/2007/02/anna-nicoles-death-some-lessons-learnt.html#links

H/P for the blog: http://newsinlimerick.blogspot.com

Limerick Coming Soon!

#86: Skeptical

Skeptical

Now I will go back to the story.

I hope that it wasn’t too gory.

Yet, its easy to feel

That your poems don’t appeal

And it seems that your techniques are hoary.

#85: Victory is Mine

Victory is Mine

Instead I’ve decided to cope,

And to stop sitting ‘round like a dope.

But I won’t take defeat,

This old blog I’ll complete!

I’m so happy, there’s finally hope!

#84: The End

The End

This blog pushes me to the end.

And I will not pretend to contend

with all of the work

that makes me berserk.

Do you hear me? Do you comprehend?

#83: It Ain't Over Yet

It Ain’t Over Yet

Well the boy had a trick up his sleeve.

His old man he would trick and deceive.

I’m afraid you’ll forget,

If I tell you just yet

the boy’s plan. So, I hope you don’t grieve.

Not A Limerick: Acknowledgements and Clarification

Sorry its so long...I have alot to say tonight

So, I'd like to point out that I've been tracking my blogs progress with google analytics. The results are somewhat suprising! In LESS than three days, my blog went from 700 to over 800 unique visitors. Thanks to all that have ever read, commented or VISITED my blog.
Special Acknowledgements go to a select few bloggers that I feel have gone out of their way to, not only read the blog often, but become frequent commenters.

-Mary (of http://mary-marysmusings.blogspot.com/) For frequent comments and suggestions, and from what I read on the OEDILF forums, she has been reading ever since January! Thanks! By far, she is THE most frequent commentor and even gave me the main suggestion for my idea of posting limericks in the form of a story!

-Courtney (for sending the excellent site to me[gotta check em' out!] www.oedilf.com) Her blog is: http://fifer-traeger.blogspot.com/

-Lauren S. (for linking to me, continued comments/ suggestions) Check out her blog as well. http://bamagirlinthecity.blogspot.com

-Editor of OEDILF- Not only a fellow Norwalkian (I think thats correct), but has expressed intrest in the blog and encouraged me to join the team. (I have....btw)

-Robin: In my early stages of stunted limerickal development, this blogger came by with repeated encouraging comments. Thanks! http://creativewritintravel.blogspot.com/

-Margaret- Owner of http://thehatchlingpress.blogspot.com. The poems featured there are good and she has offered comments often. Thanks to you too!

-Prof. R.K Singh- THis man not only provided great comments but, suggested that I try to publish my works elsewhere. I haven't looked for a publisher yet (frankly, I don't know where to start) however, I have entered my writing into several contests. http://rksinghpoet.blogspot.com

Many thanks to the other readers of mine. These readers did something that made them stick out in my mind, wheter its a comment on most limericks or directing me to a place where a larger audience of people can view my poems. Thanks to All!

Now...finally....THE CLARIFICATION!!!
-It's come to my attention via a post on an online forum on www.oedilf.com that my readers think I am older than I actually am. I didn't mean to set off this kind of confusion. :\

-In my profile I said I was a freshman, and that IS true. But not in college. Im still a ninth grader and the fact that my readers think that I was a freshman in college bewilders me and in a weird way, gives me a warm fuzzy feeling all over. Thanks for the fuzzy feeling just wanted to clear it up.

p.s- Mary, although I don't respond to comments on my own blog, the post on the forum has made me think that it's only a common courtesy to respond to my comments. So.....as of today, all comments, I'll try to respond to with a legitimate comment on the commenters blog. :)
Limerick coming soon!!!

#82: The End (For Now)

The End (For Now)

“Well, I think that’s enough for tonight,

This sad tale makes me writhe with contrite.”

So the man told his son

That the story was done,

He will never reveal the queen’s plight.

#81: Portents Arise

Over 700 visitors is a pretty good thing! Thanks so far for all the comments, suggestions. Keep em' coming! Thanks

Portents Arise

But as soon as her maid left the room,

Her insane palpitations resumed.

Kate fell on the floor

And crawled towards the door.

A thick gloom in her room signaled doom.

#80: Nervous Breakdown

Nervous Breakdown

When news of the plague got to Kate,

Her mood went from glad to irate.

She got so upset,

She started to sweat.

But her maid helped and made her sedate.

#79: Another Black Plague?

Another Black Plague?

Well the stench made the townspeople die,

And their sickness was spreading with spry!

If this infamous plague,

Hits the people in Prague

Then the end of all Europe is nigh!

#78: The Result of Poor Embalming Techniques

The Result of Poor Embalming Techniques

His body fell out in the street,

And he smelled bad because of the heat.

All the pallbearers died,

And the menservants cried

As they fell down upon the concrete.

#77: Thrones and Groans

Thrones and Groans

On the next day his niece took the throne.

Her anointing was met with a groan.

And to make matters worse,

The king’s funeral hearse

Crashed and broke on a very large stone.

#76: The Luxuriant Funeral

The Luxuriant Funeral

Well, his mourners weren’t mourning at all.

They were too busy wrapping his pall.

In death he had planned,

For a funeral grand

That would make other deaths look quite small.

#75: Assasination

Assasination

His highness awoke with a start,

And he placed his hand over his heart.

A successful attempt,

To kill him with contempt

Was done only with wine and a dart!

#74: The Plan Won't Work

The Plan Won’t Work

Well Kate disagreed with the scheme

That would make the King held in esteem.

Her rebuttal was this:

“The police don’t exist,

This whole problem is just a bad dream.”

#73: The Plan

The Plan

The king had a job for his niece.

She would rally the English police.

If she did her job right,

By the end of the night

His torn status would climb and increase.

#72: Exams

Another detour, my apologies. It's just, I have exams coming up soon, I'm trying to get "in the zone."

Exams

My exams are just four days away.

When they’re over, my thoughts will allay.

But that doesn’t bring hope,

I have reason to mope

Because then I have more tests in May!

#71: Family Reunion

Ok, the story resumes. it may seem random, but like fine wine, this story takes years to age! Maybe not years, but wait until tommorow.

Family Reunion

As the King’s niece drove to his estate,

Her sedan broke the wall and his gate.

But the King did not care,

Other girls don’t compare

To his niece and sole heir

Within days all will bow down to Kate!

#70: Valentines Day

Sorry, a temporary break from the story, to commemorate Valentines Day. Its kind of cheesy, I'm not sure I like it.

Valentines Day

Like the sun rises up in the sky,

Lovers laugh and they fight and they cry.

But on Valentine’s Day,

All harsh words drift away

Because Cupid is ever so nigh.

#69: Depression

Depression

He instantly went back inside,

To the palace where he will reside.

For the rest of his days,

He will sit there and gaze,

His embarrassment will not subside.

#68: That's Disgusting

That’s Disgusting

Joanne took one look at his gut,

And his toenails his thighs and his butt.

She let out with a cry,

“You’re an old ugly guy!”

And she ran till she got to her hut.

#67: Awkward

Awkward

When they saw him the citizens ran,

For the king had an all over tan.

The king glanced at the ground,

And he looked all around,

There was one woman left named Joanne.

#66: So, It didn't Really Happen?

I hope you like the twist I've put on the story! For a second, I thought it was over...

So, It Didn’t Really Happen?

Well the king thought that this was enough.

This new story was violent and rough.

So he put the book down,

And went out into town

He forgot he was still in the buff!

#65: Day 4: Death

Day 4: Death

By the fourth day the battle was done.

Jacob’s army has finally won!

But their win brought on strife

All the men lost their life,

After all, they used nukes not a gun.

#64: Day 3: Victory...almost

Day 3: Victory…almost

Jacob knew what he needed to do,

They would fight off the army anew.

So they fired a nuke

That they bought from the Duke

And Fred’s hue turned to purple then blue.

#63: Truth and Reconciliation...or not

Day 3: Truth and Reconciliation…or not

As Fred’s army lined up on the street,

In the bay sailed his grand royal fleet.

Jacob started to cry,

For he knew they would die

If they fought him and suffered defeat.

#62: Trouble

Trouble

Then the army of Fred made them pay.

For the loss they had suffered that day.

Once the weapons were gone,

They all hid like a fawn

Now the hunters have turned into prey.

#61: Later that Day

Later that Day…

Young Jacob’s next move was unwise.

He’s in for a fatal surprise.

On the very same night,

Of the step father’s blight

He forgot to lock up their supplies.

#60: Day 2: Temporary Surrender

Day 2: Temporary Surrender

In seconds the battle was done.

The army of Jacob has won.

For the step dad named Fred,

Took his army and fled,

Jacob laughed as he watched them all run.

#59: Day 1: The Encounter

Day 1: The Encounter

The step dad was raising up hell.

But his methods were done in pell-mell.

Jacob saw the platoon,

Around twenty past noon

And his army charged like a gazelle.

#58: Apocalypse Approaching

Apocalypse Approaching

He finally saw what he’d done,

He killed the queen’s feminine son.

His death would bring wrath,

From his step dad in Bath

O’ the battle has only begun!

#57: Revenge Once More

I know, the queens already been killled, but there's more to this limerick than you think...just wait untill tommorow

Revenge Once More

When the man was all ready and clean,

He passed by the blood guilty queen.

The man spit in her face,

And put her in her place,

After throwing her in a ravine.

#56: Lifeless and Smelly

Lifeless and Smelly

A man with no life had a plan,

To live his whole life in a van.

But his life became hell

Once it started to smell,

So he bathed in the Sea of Japan.

#55: The End

The End

Our story of bloodshed ends here.

The moral is certainly clear.

That a cat and a man,

Cannot think of a plan

That is clever and very austere.

#54: R.I.P Kit

R.I.P Kit

In a place where the people are gray.

Was the place Brownie wanted to stay.

He will always love Kit,

For his charm and his wit

And to think that his cat was a stray!

#53: Fruitless Revenge

Sorry, its not good, but there is no way I'm killing off both main characters!

Fruitless Revenge

When Brownie began to walk back

The queen’s guard started giving him flak.

Brownie took out his gun,

And the battle was won,

Because guards don’t know how to attack.

#52: Vengeance

Vengeance

Old Brownie had one more surprise.

His temperature began to rise.

He grabbed hold of the queen,

And he ripped out her spleen

Then he gouged out the Russian Czar’s eyes.

#51: The Death of Kit

The Death of Kit

Brownie’s wise kitten died last.

And his death was quick, painless and fast.

When he got out the car,

The mad queen and the Czar

Beat him down, and his body they cast.

#50: Royalty, Part IV

Royalty, Part IV

The plan that old Brownie created,

was wait till her power abated.

The wise cat said, “Don’t try,

You can never defy,

An old queen who has never been hated.”

#49: Royalty, Part III

Sorry, you have to wait till tommorow to see what the "secret plan" is.

Royalty, Part III

Then Brownie came up with a plan.

As they drove along in their sedan.

When he told it to Kit,

His old cat had a fit,

And he stopped him before it began!

#48: Royalty (cont'd)

I'm liking the idea of the man and his cat, but I need a couple of good names that will fit in meter. Got suggestions?

Royalty, (cont’d)

When the man and his cat drove away,

the sky turned from sunny to gray.

But what they didn’t know,

Was that ten years ago,

Queen Elizabeth wore a toupee!

#47: Royalty

Royalty

A whimsical man and a kitten,

was driving around in Great Britain.

When along came the queen,

she was acting obscene

her behavior was blatantly smitten.

#46: Foolish, Yet Brave

Foolish, Yet Brave

The squall was unrivaled in power.

It knocked down the radio tower.

When along came a boy,

Who sought to destroy

The windstorm within the next hour.

#45: The Real 16th President

Sorry, I fell asleep at my computer last night, and didn't post it.

The Real 16^th President

Abraham Lincoln was yelling

On this fact his wife was still dwelling.

She said, “Abe never shouts,

He just sits and he pouts.

I wish he was not so compelling!”

#44: A Bad Case of the Crazies

A Bad Case of the Crazies

A man with a very large nose,

Decided to cut off his toes.

The floor got all bloody,

The ground became muddy.

And now there is dirt on his clothes.

#43: Now You Know the Real Santa Claus

Now You Know the Real Santa Claus

St. Nicholas has many flaws.

He never abides by the laws.

But he has to admit,

He will always submit,

To his old loving wife Mrs. Claus.

#42: Essay Guidelines

This is dedicated to Homer and his epic poem, "The Odyssey" and the essay I had to write about it. NOTE: I did not abide by the rules stated, nor did I receive the punishment!

Essay Guidelines

When writing an essay for school.

Abide by the number one rule.

That almighty law,

States, “you must wear a bra,

Or else you’ll be forced to eat stool.”

#41: Vandalism (The Comeback)

I know its deviating from the alphabet plot, but I needed a break. It was crampin my syle, but, MARK MY WORDS...I am going to get through the alphabet someday!

Vandalism (The Comeback)

A homeowner looked at his yard.

And found out that it had been marred.

As he thought about why

He exclaimed with a sigh,

“Now my beautiful yard has been scarred!”

#40: Peril at the Igloo

Pardon this limerick. Its not that good, and I'm having troule with this alphabet thing. Vowels are tricky.

Peril at the Igloo

The Eskimos’ igloo was icky.

His carpet was covered in whiskey.

On the previous night,

There had been a large fight,

He also was robbed by Ms. Vicky.

#39: Religiously Inclined Horse Riders

Religiously Inclined Horse Riders

Hording a horse from its master,

Is a good way to cause a disaster.

Because jockeys don’t play

When their horse is away,

They just go and drink tea with their pastor.

#38: A General Giraffe

A General Giraffe

A tall Serengeti giraffe,

Was splitting a cookie in half.

The giraffe was surprised,

When his fortune apprised.

He became the new head chief of staff.

#37: The Frivolous Foreigner

The Frivolous Foreigner

A frivolous, Japanese man,

Was heating up soup from a can.

But the man burnt his lip,

When he took a long sip

He cooled off in the Sea of Japan.

#36: Edgar's Elephants

Edgar’s Elephants

When Edgar goes into the zoo,

Enmity starts to accrue.

But when Edgar says, “Bye,”

All the elephants cry

And the chimpanzees start to fling poo.

#35: David the Dingo

David the Dingo

David the dingo was dining.

But his kangaroo meal kept on whining.

So he yelled with a roar,

“I do not feel rapport!”

And he ate as the sun went on shining.

#34: Chris the Cleaner

Chris the Cleaner

There once was a cleaner named Chris.

Who had an addiction to Swiss.

When the cheese ran all out,

Then Chris started to shout.

His demeanor went badly amiss.

#33: Boris the Blacksmith

If you haven't noticed, I'm taking the suggestion of a reader and going down the alphabet with my limerick titles. Thanks for the suggestion. (I can't wait for "X" and "Q"). i was thinking of adding small pictures to poems also. what do you think? Please comment.

Boris the Blacksmith

Boris the blacksmith was flying.

And gravity he was defying.

But then out of the blue,

Something shaped like a shoe

Bopped old’ Boris and he started crying.

#32: Abby the Angel

Abby the Angel

There once was an angel named Abby.

Her demeanor is always unhappy.

But when all sorts of ants

Prowl through poor Abby’s pants,

All her clothing begins to look shabby.

#31: The Annoying Child

I had no idea the word "snot" had more than one definition!

The Annoying Child

A child was feeling distraught.

He felt all his deeds were for naught.

When his father asked why

He exclaimed with a sigh,

“All the kids at school think I am snot!”

#30: The Elderly Man

I hope you like it. Its not my greatest limerick, but, you know what they say: "Every poet has their day." or something along those lines!

The Elderly Man

The elderly man was a grump.

His belly was also quite plump.

But when John came to town

The hunkered down frown

Became something that looked like a hump.

#29: Kleptomaniac Clams

Kleptomaniac Clams

A butcher was chopping some meat.

The order was almost complete.

When, alas came a clam

He made off with the ham.

And the clam made a hasty retreat.

#28: A Cry for Inspiration

I mean this. If anyone has a topic for a good limerick, please let me know. My pot o' golden ideas is running dangerously low!

A Cry for Inspiration

My passion for limericks accrues.

But I still need to look for my muse.

If you know where to go

To find ideas that grow,

Let me know because I won’t refuse.

#27: The Russian Car

The Russian Car

A Russian man went to his car.

And lit up a Cuban cigar.

When he drives through the mire,

His car is on fire,

Because that’s the command of the Czar.

#26: The Passé Carpenter

The Passé Carpenter

A carpenter in the café,

Just ordered a cup of Earl Grey.

But the man did not know

That his cup was aglow.

And his clothing was very passé.