...a simple history of limericks...in a limerick. I'll be republishing as verses appear.
The Common Cold
The woman was feeling quite sick.
She was pale and her face had a tic.
So she stayed in the nether,
feeling under the weather
as the clouds outside turned grey and thick.
When staying out long in the sun,
Its better to tan with your son.
‘cause the tanning booths try
to heat you till you fry;
by the way, try to pardon my pun.
The Cutest Kitten
There once was a woman from
In her anger she sat on her kitten.
She soon found a surprise;
The cat looked in her eyes,
Now all over her body she’s bitten.
The Best First Day
On Ernie’s first day at the job,
he ate lunch like a primitive slob.
When he wiped off his mouth,
it was covered in louth,
so his napkin got stuck to his gob.
Breaking Wind
There once was a man from
who insisted on not eating pork.
When he does, bad things pass
including his gas,
which is why he will only eat stork.
A True Renaissance Man
A renaissance fair man named Mike,
took his anger out using a pike.
In blood they were doused,
in the streets, at the joust,
Michael proved himself to be a tyke.
The Teacher
There once was a high school professor;
his students call him “the oppressor.”
When he passed out the test,
their hearts stopped in their chest.
So they had to find him a successor.
When a Stranger Calls
Her telephone rang in the night.
It gave the young woman a fright.
She picked up the phone,
and heard nothing but tone.
Through the night there was nothing but plight.
An Unexpected Surprise
A mind-reader picked up a gun.
He claimed it was all in good fun.
He pointed at Fred,
and shot him in the head
only water came out of his gun!
An Arm and A Leg
At
The mayor sent out a decree.
“To be able to swim,
you must chop off a limb
and without delay send it to me.”
Jove’s Laugh
As Jupiter laughed with delight,
The two mates split up without contrite.
Just then, from above,
was the god-given dove
that would stop Jove from making them fight.
Six in a Row (cont’d)
There is one thing we all know is true,
that the Yanks have the Series in view.
But I hope that the Sox
do not try to make blocks
that will make our great plan go askew.
Six in a Row
The Yankees are down in a slump.
And their rivals are playing the trump.
Like a bee to a midge,
I turned baseball to bridge.
At this rate, the Yanks might as well crump!
Don’t Feed the Bears
The woman was forced to be bare.
Her clothing was torn by a bear.
There’s more to it than that,
For the bear ate her hat
And her sneakers were starting to wear.
The Problem with Kids
The light bulb went off in a flash.
The plates hit the floor with a crash.
The noise will abound,
when the kids are around.
And you’re bound to have piles of trash.
Mired in the Mire
The man’s situation was dire.
He was mired in the murkiest mire.
So without showing shame,
he lit up a flame
He engulfed the quagmire in fire.
