#56: Lifeless and Smelly

Lifeless and Smelly

A man with no life had a plan,

To live his whole life in a van.

But his life became hell

Once it started to smell,

So he bathed in the Sea of Japan.

#55: The End

The End

Our story of bloodshed ends here.

The moral is certainly clear.

That a cat and a man,

Cannot think of a plan

That is clever and very austere.

#54: R.I.P Kit

R.I.P Kit

In a place where the people are gray.

Was the place Brownie wanted to stay.

He will always love Kit,

For his charm and his wit

And to think that his cat was a stray!

#53: Fruitless Revenge

Sorry, its not good, but there is no way I'm killing off both main characters!

Fruitless Revenge

When Brownie began to walk back

The queen’s guard started giving him flak.

Brownie took out his gun,

And the battle was won,

Because guards don’t know how to attack.

#52: Vengeance

Vengeance

Old Brownie had one more surprise.

His temperature began to rise.

He grabbed hold of the queen,

And he ripped out her spleen

Then he gouged out the Russian Czar’s eyes.

#51: The Death of Kit

The Death of Kit

Brownie’s wise kitten died last.

And his death was quick, painless and fast.

When he got out the car,

The mad queen and the Czar

Beat him down, and his body they cast.

#50: Royalty, Part IV

Royalty, Part IV

The plan that old Brownie created,

was wait till her power abated.

The wise cat said, “Don’t try,

You can never defy,

An old queen who has never been hated.”

#49: Royalty, Part III

Sorry, you have to wait till tommorow to see what the "secret plan" is.

Royalty, Part III

Then Brownie came up with a plan.

As they drove along in their sedan.

When he told it to Kit,

His old cat had a fit,

And he stopped him before it began!

#48: Royalty (cont'd)

I'm liking the idea of the man and his cat, but I need a couple of good names that will fit in meter. Got suggestions?

Royalty, (cont’d)

When the man and his cat drove away,

the sky turned from sunny to gray.

But what they didn’t know,

Was that ten years ago,

Queen Elizabeth wore a toupee!

#47: Royalty

Royalty

A whimsical man and a kitten,

was driving around in Great Britain.

When along came the queen,

she was acting obscene

her behavior was blatantly smitten.

#46: Foolish, Yet Brave

Foolish, Yet Brave

The squall was unrivaled in power.

It knocked down the radio tower.

When along came a boy,

Who sought to destroy

The windstorm within the next hour.

#45: The Real 16th President

Sorry, I fell asleep at my computer last night, and didn't post it.

The Real 16^th President

Abraham Lincoln was yelling

On this fact his wife was still dwelling.

She said, “Abe never shouts,

He just sits and he pouts.

I wish he was not so compelling!”

#44: A Bad Case of the Crazies

A Bad Case of the Crazies

A man with a very large nose,

Decided to cut off his toes.

The floor got all bloody,

The ground became muddy.

And now there is dirt on his clothes.

#43: Now You Know the Real Santa Claus

Now You Know the Real Santa Claus

St. Nicholas has many flaws.

He never abides by the laws.

But he has to admit,

He will always submit,

To his old loving wife Mrs. Claus.

#42: Essay Guidelines

This is dedicated to Homer and his epic poem, "The Odyssey" and the essay I had to write about it. NOTE: I did not abide by the rules stated, nor did I receive the punishment!

Essay Guidelines

When writing an essay for school.

Abide by the number one rule.

That almighty law,

States, “you must wear a bra,

Or else you’ll be forced to eat stool.”

#41: Vandalism (The Comeback)

I know its deviating from the alphabet plot, but I needed a break. It was crampin my syle, but, MARK MY WORDS...I am going to get through the alphabet someday!

Vandalism (The Comeback)

A homeowner looked at his yard.

And found out that it had been marred.

As he thought about why

He exclaimed with a sigh,

“Now my beautiful yard has been scarred!”

#40: Peril at the Igloo

Pardon this limerick. Its not that good, and I'm having troule with this alphabet thing. Vowels are tricky.

Peril at the Igloo

The Eskimos’ igloo was icky.

His carpet was covered in whiskey.

On the previous night,

There had been a large fight,

He also was robbed by Ms. Vicky.

#39: Religiously Inclined Horse Riders

Religiously Inclined Horse Riders

Hording a horse from its master,

Is a good way to cause a disaster.

Because jockeys don’t play

When their horse is away,

They just go and drink tea with their pastor.

#38: A General Giraffe

A General Giraffe

A tall Serengeti giraffe,

Was splitting a cookie in half.

The giraffe was surprised,

When his fortune apprised.

He became the new head chief of staff.

#37: The Frivolous Foreigner

The Frivolous Foreigner

A frivolous, Japanese man,

Was heating up soup from a can.

But the man burnt his lip,

When he took a long sip

He cooled off in the Sea of Japan.

#36: Edgar's Elephants

Edgar’s Elephants

When Edgar goes into the zoo,

Enmity starts to accrue.

But when Edgar says, “Bye,”

All the elephants cry

And the chimpanzees start to fling poo.

#35: David the Dingo

David the Dingo

David the dingo was dining.

But his kangaroo meal kept on whining.

So he yelled with a roar,

“I do not feel rapport!”

And he ate as the sun went on shining.

#34: Chris the Cleaner

Chris the Cleaner

There once was a cleaner named Chris.

Who had an addiction to Swiss.

When the cheese ran all out,

Then Chris started to shout.

His demeanor went badly amiss.

#33: Boris the Blacksmith

If you haven't noticed, I'm taking the suggestion of a reader and going down the alphabet with my limerick titles. Thanks for the suggestion. (I can't wait for "X" and "Q"). i was thinking of adding small pictures to poems also. what do you think? Please comment.

Boris the Blacksmith

Boris the blacksmith was flying.

And gravity he was defying.

But then out of the blue,

Something shaped like a shoe

Bopped old’ Boris and he started crying.

#32: Abby the Angel

Abby the Angel

There once was an angel named Abby.

Her demeanor is always unhappy.

But when all sorts of ants

Prowl through poor Abby’s pants,

All her clothing begins to look shabby.

#31: The Annoying Child

I had no idea the word "snot" had more than one definition!

The Annoying Child

A child was feeling distraught.

He felt all his deeds were for naught.

When his father asked why

He exclaimed with a sigh,

“All the kids at school think I am snot!”

#30: The Elderly Man

I hope you like it. Its not my greatest limerick, but, you know what they say: "Every poet has their day." or something along those lines!

The Elderly Man

The elderly man was a grump.

His belly was also quite plump.

But when John came to town

The hunkered down frown

Became something that looked like a hump.

#29: Kleptomaniac Clams

Kleptomaniac Clams

A butcher was chopping some meat.

The order was almost complete.

When, alas came a clam

He made off with the ham.

And the clam made a hasty retreat.

#28: A Cry for Inspiration

I mean this. If anyone has a topic for a good limerick, please let me know. My pot o' golden ideas is running dangerously low!

A Cry for Inspiration

My passion for limericks accrues.

But I still need to look for my muse.

If you know where to go

To find ideas that grow,

Let me know because I won’t refuse.

#27: The Russian Car

The Russian Car

A Russian man went to his car.

And lit up a Cuban cigar.

When he drives through the mire,

His car is on fire,

Because that’s the command of the Czar.

#26: The Passé Carpenter

The Passé Carpenter

A carpenter in the café,

Just ordered a cup of Earl Grey.

But the man did not know

That his cup was aglow.

And his clothing was very passé.