Sunday, February 25, 2007

#81: Portents Arise

Over 700 visitors is a pretty good thing! Thanks so far for all the comments, suggestions. Keep em' coming! Thanks

Portents Arise

But as soon as her maid left the room,

Her insane palpitations resumed.

Kate fell on the floor

And crawled towards the door.

A thick gloom in her room signaled doom.


Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm not really sure I like the A rhymes. A brief viewing of your work reveals that you are usually pretty steady on rhymes so this one may work in your accent, but it doesn't in mine.

FWIW, I took the liberty of playing with your story:

So Kate lay in state, and what loomed
Was her funeral, when she's entombed
Until ashes to ashes,
Which her coffin encaches
(Unless, later on, she's exhumed).


sigg said...

BTW, I came from the OEDILF via Mary.

Mary said...

Jeff, your rhymes using the long "a" sound and the short "a" sound work fine for me.

You have a fake rhyme in room/resumed with that extra "d" sound, but it works fine for me too, since your meter here is steady.

Just keep writing--I would love to see more of this novel in limerick form, but if you're ready to move on, you have never lacked for content that is fresh (and sometimes shocking < grin > )

Is it spring break time for you yet?


Mary said...

OEDILF is the site mentioned in a comment by Courtney on your limerick post "Nervous Breakdown." I immediately went to find the site:

I liked it so much that I joined and posted your link in a discussion thread there.

Thanks so much for posting a comment for Jeff.

I think he has a lot of readers who don't comment. But he knows we're following him.

Jeff is young and a college student. His project here is quite interesting I think, although it's just a sideline and seemingly not related to his academic course of study.

I've noticed a steady improvement in his limerick skills over the two months that I've been reading him.

My apologies for talking about you in the third person. Feel free to blast me with a limerick!


sigg said...

Yes, it was the room/resumed rhyme I was commenting on. It's certainly not that far off and, yes, telling a story through the limerick format does limit choices of rhyme somewhat.