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Portents Arise
But as soon as her maid left the room,
Her insane palpitations resumed.
Kate fell on the floor
And crawled towards the door.
A thick gloom in her room signaled doom.
5 comments:
Oh, I'm not really sure I like the A rhymes. A brief viewing of your work reveals that you are usually pretty steady on rhymes so this one may work in your accent, but it doesn't in mine.
FWIW, I took the liberty of playing with your story:
So Kate lay in state, and what loomed
Was her funeral, when she's entombed
Until ashes to ashes,
Which her coffin encaches
(Unless, later on, she's exhumed).
sigg
BTW, I came from the OEDILF via Mary.
Jeff, your rhymes using the long "a" sound and the short "a" sound work fine for me.
You have a fake rhyme in room/resumed with that extra "d" sound, but it works fine for me too, since your meter here is steady.
Just keep writing--I would love to see more of this novel in limerick form, but if you're ready to move on, you have never lacked for content that is fresh (and sometimes shocking < grin > )
Is it spring break time for you yet?
Mary
Jeff,
OEDILF is the site mentioned in a comment by Courtney on your limerick post "Nervous Breakdown." I immediately went to find the site:
http://www.oedilf.com/db/Lim.php
I liked it so much that I joined and posted your link in a discussion thread there.
@Sigg,
Thanks so much for posting a comment for Jeff.
I think he has a lot of readers who don't comment. But he knows we're following him.
Jeff is young and a college student. His project here is quite interesting I think, although it's just a sideline and seemingly not related to his academic course of study.
I've noticed a steady improvement in his limerick skills over the two months that I've been reading him.
@Jeff,
My apologies for talking about you in the third person. Feel free to blast me with a limerick!
Mary
Yes, it was the room/resumed rhyme I was commenting on. It's certainly not that far off and, yes, telling a story through the limerick format does limit choices of rhyme somewhat.
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